Happy Tears

I can't believe it's taken this long for this to happen, but apparently I'm finally a crying, babbling mess of emotions. Don't get me wrong, they aren't sad or lethargic or even self-loathing sentiments. They are the complete opposite....they are happy...excited...thrilled emotions! Not to say that I haven't felt these happy feelings all along the way (because believe me I have!), but I'm just not normally an emotional crier. I've always only cried when I've been angry, when something wasn't going my way, or when I can't get my thoughts and feelings about something into coherent words or statements. I've always been more of a frustrated crier throughout my life. I guess that's an emotion, but it's not the same emotion all other girls in the world cry for. Normal girls cry at puppy food commercials, or when their favorite character lives at the end of a movie. Yep...not me. I'm just a bratty, want to get my way, crier =)

Well, apparently all it took to get me to shed some happy tears was a photo shoot and a beautifying session. A simple little hour at a park flicked on the waterworks. Well, I can't say it was the hour at the park that actually did it. It was more the outcome of that hour at the park. You see, I have a very talented and incredibly generous friend named Roomie. Or rather, Alicia to the rest of the world. She's more than a friend, really. She's....well....she's special. I can't even put in to words how much my friends mean to me and she's one of those exceptional friends who has dug herself a warm cozy spot in my heart and is camping out there for life. And I'm just going to leave it at that because I've typed this one sentence just about 100 times in the last two hours and I can't get through it without bursting into tears. Just know that she's just special. She's more than just a friend to Paul and to me. She knows how I feel about her. I emailed her my MOH speech. lol!

Anyway!!! Back to the photo shoot. Out of the kindness of her heart, Roomie offered to shoot some maternity pictures for Paul and me. Something to have to show little Blank when it's older and to remind us of what we were like during this pregnancy. I thought to myself "pshawww...Roomie's in for it. All her previous pregnants have been petite and cute...I'm a pale, swollen mess!" She literally had to pull teeth to get me to agree to it. Practically beg. She even enticed me with having my little Lauren work her magic on my skin and hair. Hello! Sneak!! But finally, I reluctantly agreed. All the while I was a nervous wreck, wondering what was going to come of this photo shoot. Every day that passed by, I worried about Sunday, July 26th. What was I going to wear that wouldn't look horrific against my nearly clear skin? How was Lauren going to even work with said clear skin?? How was I going to pull off the "serious look" Roomie so perfectly documents with other clients without looking like a mean witch? How was I going to slide my swollen feet into some really cute shoes to make it a stylish shoot? How did I ever let her convince me to have my picture taken?!? And was she really going to post these on her blog for all the world to see? Oh boy. This was going to be a nightmare.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing but utter confidence in her ability to take spectacular pictures. Really, she truly is gifted beyond what she even comprehends about herself. But her subjects are usually incredibly cute and incredibly photogenic people. I don't really look in the mirror and feel like I could fill those shoes most days. So I had absolutely no confidence in myself whatsoever. Add to that, pairing me up with my beautiful husband, who has always been the cutest thing in the world to me and I thought for sure I'd ruin these pictures. But Roomie assured me they would be great no matter what I thought. She coached me on my outfits, helped me pick accessories and told me to just be myself. The finishing touch was that Lauren, so talented and perfect at what she does herself, did my hair and makeup, I thought "well, MAYBE this won't be so horrific."

Nevertheless, come photo shoot time, I nervously fumbled my way through an hour of pokey grass, hidden snakes, what I envisioned as mountains of black widows, and broken chaises. Paul was a champ...enjoying the limelight and relishing in the moment. His handsome smile calmed me and his silly jokes made the moment so very "us." And Roomie was a professional through it all....posing us in natural "frames," savoring the warm and creamy light, and snapping away while making us feel like we really knew what we were doing.

At the end of it all, even though we had warmed up to the experience, I thought there was no way this was going to produce anything worthy of putting her name on it. We'd never really posed for pictures like this. Our wedding day was a collection of stolen moments and candid shots. We had spent, maybe, 20 minutes being directed by our photographer, yet they were still mainly moments of giddiness and delight. After all, we had JUST gotten married minutes before. We didn't even care that the photographer had a job to do! Yet here we were, July 26th and I was convinced I blew it.

Boy was I wrong. I could have never in a million years imagined that I'd be so thrilled with the way things turned out. Turns out, I should have just trusted my Roomie and my Lauren. Turns out, I should have just had more confidence in myself. Turns out, I should have known all along that skipping around side by side with my wonderful husband would be all that it would take to make me love the moments my Roomie so expertly captured. Turns out, it is possible to cry for two days straight out of pure delight. Turns out, I really, really am in love with these pictures.

The most amazing revelation that has come from this, isn't so much that hey maybe I CAN pull off a serious look, or maybe I'm really not that horrific looking. It's that Paul and I are creating something so beautiful, so innocent and so pure. You can actually catch a glimpse of the love we share between us that has enabled us to create our little baby growing inside me. You can actually feel the emotions we've shared for the last 7 months - emotions of excitement, wonderment, joy and elation. And believe it or not, I'm finally a subscriber of the school of "pregnancy really IS beautiful." All it took was a little blush and some loose pretty curls, some skipping hand-in-hand, some cheesy prom poses, some giggling in the park, and someone special to capture it all.

Thank you again Roomie for convincing me to do this and for the incredible job you did with these pictures. We will forever cherish them and look back at them and remember how beautiful this whole experience was. Thank you Lauren for reminding me that a little blush and some curls is all I need to make me feel like me again. You're an expert at what you do and you'll go so very far in this world! I'm so lucky to be able to watch you do it! And most importantly, thank you to my Paul for loving me the way you do, so beautifully, so innocently and so purely.

And without further delay:

http://www.themoderntypeblog.com/2009/07/sandy-paul-darling.html

Make sure to check out the slide show under "click here for more pictures of Sandy & Paul."

And now, I'm done crying for the day! =) (PS, my mom even cried looking at the pics! Woah!)

Thanks for reading my long update...I promise to update soon again. And for those that are wondering, all is well with me and little Blank. We're both healthy, happy and chuggin along....and we're at Squash status! YAY!

Love always,

Paul, Sandy and Squash

P.S. Just so you know, these are my talented and wonderful friends that created this all for me:

Alicia: http://www.themoderntype.com/

and my Lauren: http://www.bylauren.blogspot.com/

They are both amazing at what they do and I can guarantee you'd feel nothing but beautiful after a session with each one of them.

Woah

Sooooo...there's a human being with its eyes open sitting inside my belly right as we speak. EYES OPEN! INSIDE ME! WOAH! Isn't that a tad on the creepy side? =)

Hi everyone! I'm back to update. So this week little Blank's eyes open wide finally. I don't know why, but that makes things all the more real to me. Before, the baby was this fragile little cluster of cells that I was hoping would just grow the right way. And now, not a few months later, it's kicking, rolling, adjusting and apparently staring at my innards. It's probably so bored in there, with it's legs and arms crossed in pure bored frustration! Poor Blank! Well, I can't really say it's bored, because this little baby's favorite new game is kickball. And it's ball of preference? My bladder...sometimes my intestines.... a few times entirely too close to my ribs, and lots of times my belly button. It's pretty surreal, to say the least. But it's the coolest feeling in the world. In fact, when Blank isn't moving around, I get worried...is Blank sleeping? Did I not say a funny enough joke? Why isn't Blank moving!! And then just when my worry gets just about to hysteria, I get a swift kick in the gut - and all is well in the world again.

It's amazing how the second you get pregnant, you become a parent. A worrying, frightened, would do anything for my child, parent. I make deals with God almost every day...."dear God, if you please just make Blank move right now, I promise I'll never be an aggressive driver again!" "Dear God, if you please just get Blank to kick really hard right now, I'll never eat 4 brownies in one sitting ever again!" It usually works...thanks God! I guess it's true what they say, from here on out, I'll just worry for the rest of my life. I'm up for the challenge!

So far everything has been going great. The babe is growing just as it should, it's moving around all day long (uh oh! We're in for it!), my doctor didn't yell at me today at my appointment for being a fatty, anddddd we only have 86 days left. Holy heck. When we were getting married, and there were only 86 days left, I was in full freak out mode. Full "omg, 86 days is NOTHING!" Well, I'm beginning to get into that mode again. I can't believe we're almost there. It's exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. But if life has offered me any lessons in this department, it's that no matter how worried I am about the future, it's definitely going to be the greatest ride of our lives. Marriage has been nothing but incredible, so I know for a fact bringing this baby into the world will be just as wonderful.

I do have one person to credit for that, and that's my incredible Paul. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again...he really is the most amazing man. He's been nothing but patient and helpful and encouraging the whole way through. He's just as excited as I am about this little baby, and I really truly can't wait to see him be a dad. He goes above and beyond what any wife should expect from her husband and I think to myself daily, that I don't know how it is that I go so lucky to have him as my husband. Seriously. Being with him have been the best years of my life...but these last 6.5 months have surpassed any dreams I have ever had and I can truly say I've never, ever, ever been happier. He makes me laugh til I cry almost daily and he makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful person in the world even though I look like a beluga whale. I couldn't imagine my life without him. And because of him, our baby will be the cutest baby in all the land! ALL THE LAND! =) He's simply the best.

Anyway...I just had to throw that out there. I was due for a few tears for the day. Ha!

So there's the update. We're chuggin' along, doing great so far. I'm hopeful things continue to move along great for the next 12 more weeks. Or 10 more weeks...we'll be cool with a slightly early arrival! We're at eggplant status right now....and just under 28 weeks. Come 29 weeks, we'll be at a squash. And yes, it does feel that big.

Thanks for continuing to follow our journey! The next few weeks should be fun! Aunt Bani & Aunt Nins turn 22 again, Aunt Linds has her baby shower, Aunt Roomie is going to do a maternity shoot for us and Aunt Lauren is prepping us for the big shoot....exciting next few weeks! I'll post again soon.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Paul, Sandy & Eggplant