The City of Downey

Dear Baby Blank,

It's your mommy! HI! I hope you're having a nice time swimming around in my belly. Turns out you recently started peeing in there. Meh sorry. I'd go in and clean it up for you a little bit but, um, well...that's kinda impossible. So for the time being, just stay away from the warm spots!! =)

In all seriousness though, Blank. Your mom has a situation going on in her life. It's a huge, ginormo problem. It's called "The City of Downey." Blank, just so you know, you are never, ever, ever allowed to step foot in that city. Ever. It's a bad, bad city, full of ghosts, goblins, and lying liars who lie. Those Lying Liars also like to steal people's identities! SCAAAAAARYYY! Trust me, it's scary ok. If you go to Downey, only bad things happen. Heck, even if you DON'T go to Downey, bad things happen.

Just know that your name will have more than one meaning to it because of this SCAAAAAAAARY city. Your name will be picked out of love and also because we don't want you to be like every other person in California. See, your mommy had a very common name. Almost everyone in Southern California had my last name before I married your daddy. And turns out, almost every woman who had that same last name ALSO had my same first name. And it also turns out that even those that didn't have my same name liked it SO much that they decided to steal it. In addition to also stealing my driver's license number, my birthday and my signature! AND THEN (omg you may want to come closer to mommy cuz it gets even more scary!) and thennnn, they decided to be bobos (that's dummies in espanol) and get into a car accident in the city of Downey. But seeing as they really weren't me, they just skipped away and giggled because they really didn't get in trouble. They just thought to themselves "poor, Sandra Perez, wherever she is! She doesn't know what's coming to her!" To add to that, they then decided to open up credit cards in mommy's name and go on a shopping spree. WEEEEEEE!! Fun for fake Sandra Perez, not so fun for your mommy. =(

So Blank, because of this, you won't be named Emma or Aiden, Madeline or Noah. Nope. You want to know why? Well sweet angel, because when you start Kindergarten, there will be 9 Emma's and 7 Aiden's in your classroom with you. Wouldn't that be boring? Don't you want to be unique? Trust me, my love, you'll want to have your very own name...different then the rest. Don't worry though, mommy and daddy aren't all that crazy. (Well mommy sometimes can be classified as slightly loony, but it comes in waves. Thank God Daddy is sane!) We won't name you anything like Pilot Inspektor or Apple or Moxie Crimefighter. We'd never do that to you. But, we will pick a name that isn't in the top 10. Perhaps not even in the top 100.

Your saving grace, however, will be your awesome last name. Sure, sometimes people will think it's Lewis. And you may even get a Levi here and there. (Heck, at least you can pretend you're part of the Levi's Jeans conglomerate!) But trust me my tiny little Blank when I tell you that you're exceptionally lucky to have a rather not so common last name. After all, isn't that the purpose of last names? To distinguish yourself from the rest of the world? So that instead of 900 Gertrudes that have no distinction, you have Gertrude of the family Smith and Gertrude of the family Jones. And we'll have Blank...of the family Levis. You're a special little kid Blank! And you're not even here yet!

So back to my original point. STAY AWAY FROM DOWNEY! And Blank, if you're a girl, I may not speak to you for 3 weeks if you tell me you're going to marry a Perez or a Gonzalez or a Smith or a Jones. This is probably all talk from me because I'll love you that much. But as of right now, three weeks black list.

Just know that at this very moment, mommy is practicing her breathing techniques so she doesn't blow a gasket. Also you should know, that stealing is a VERY bad thing punishable by jail time and fines. One day we'll show you a TV show called "Locked Up" on MSNBC about jails and prisons. They are almost as scary as the City of Downey. You don't want to end up there, so please make sure you don't steal anything from anyone ok? Not even their names or signature k? It's for your own good. And it will prevent you from having to have tears tattooed on your cheeks. I heard that really, really hurts. And that's not fun right?

Anyway, I hope you have a peaceful day doing flippies in my belly. Know that mommy and daddy love you very much! And just to go over things once more:

A. Stay away from the warm spots in the pool you're currently swimming in
B. Stay away from the City of Downey
C. Don't steal
D. Try not to marry a Jones or Gonzalez
E. Mommy and Daddy love you!
F. It's fun to pretend you own Levi's Jeans (as long as you don't steal them and/or the company!)

That's all for now. I love you very much and can't wait to see you!!

Love always,

Crazy Mom